Questions....

"Who are You God
For You are turning out to be
So much different than I imagined"

"And where are you God
Cuz I am finding life to be
So much harder than I had planned"

"Know that I am afraid
To ask these questions
But You know they are there

And if you know my heart
The way that I believe you do
You know that I believe in You
Still I have these questions

Like How could you God
How could You be so good and strong
And make a world that can be so painful

And where were you God
I know you had to be right there
I know you never turn your head"

"You know that I’m confused
By all this mystery
You know I get afraid
But if you know my heart
As completely as I trust you do
Oh you know that I trust in you

Is it true
that fore every tear I cry
You cry a thousand more
Cuz you weep for those that weep

And are you, just holding yourself back
From crushing all the pain and evil in this world
For reasons we just cant understand for now
But isn’t there a day of redemption coming
Ohhh
Redemption is coming
Ohhh

Quickly Lord, come quickly
Lord, come quickly
Ohhh
Ohhh

So who am I God
That you would raise me from the dust
To breathe your life and your love in me
You know that I believe"

This song by Steven Curtis Chapman is one that finds itself quite often in my stereo these days.....
For some reason it's comforting to know that when your world comes crashing down around you, that it's okay to be honest with God. To honestly tell God what you are feeling right then. To bluntly ask God the tough questions that are laying so heavily on your heart. To be real....When no one else completely understands....it's a comfort to know that God knows your heart!

Today I'm thankful for:

#11. For my nephew and each of my 4 nieces....for the love and hugs they wrap around my heart! {They give me a reason to face each new day.}

#12. For my family....with everything that is going on, my family is becoming more and more precious to me! *Love each of you guys!*

#13. For how God is taking care of me....I'm amazed at the timing of when the texts, phone calls, emails and the visits have come lately--it's been when I needed them the most!

#14. That I can rely on the faith of other's at the times where I can barely see a glimmer of faith in my own heart. {It's a rather odd feeling to be on this side.....}

I'm thankful for:
#6. The beauty of the fog creeping across the field out back--all in front of  the fading sunset.
#7. That I have friends coming to see me in 5 more sleeps!! :) :) :)
#8. Having my "adopted nephew" (& his mother!) stop by to see me tonight.  *such a sweetheart he is!*
#9. Skype...and conference calling! :)
#10. For the way that the colourful weeds and the bulrushes add beauty to the ditches....reminds me that there is beauty in the "ditches of life" as well--I just have to look for it!

To do or not to do....

This has been swirling around in my head for awhile now.
["Should I do it? Should I not do it? It would be so much easier to NOT do it!"]

I've been reading, and hearing, alot about the 'One Thousand Gifts' book lately and I've been challenged to be more thankful. It seems that I've gone through alot of deserts and wildernesses in my life lately---and the last thing I wanna do is be thankful! :( But it's time I take my focus off myself!  {And maybe it will help me to see the hand of God in my life----even though I can't always feel it. Maybe it will help me to trust the heart of God even though I may not see His hand or His plan in all this.}

So, here goes............

Today I'm thankful for:
#1. the beauty of the night sky (with a hint of colour as the sun attempted to rise) on my way to work this morning
#2. my delicious cup of coffee ['jamaican me crazy' coffee!!]...but mostly i'm thankful for the amazing friend who knew what kind of coffee to recommend!! {thanks ness!}
#3. my cute coffee mug...because it reminds me of thailand...and of rida!
#4. the 2 weeks of HOT weather we had...it was glorious! :)
#5. for the rice that is filling my tummy [it tasted so good...and smelled so nice...*it smelled like asia!*]

[to be continued]