How does one say "goodbye"?

 

I've had to say goodbye to some very important people in my life before....

I've said goodbye to friends as they moved on....

I've said goodbye to people that I lived and worked with very closely...

 

And I'm convinced that the process doesn't get any easier.

 

So many emotions.

So much to process.

 

These little people have not only wrapped their dirty arms around my neck, but they have wrapped themselves around my heart. I love seeing how they faces have changed since I have been here. They used to be shy or just wanting the attention of the moment. Now their faces light up with recognition and love when they see us come to the village. And as soon as they see us, they come running and screaming "ni kru, ni kru" ["teacher, teacher"] and waving. 

I have seen how they have loved and welcomed me into the community and saw me as some form of a stablity in their lives which know very little stability. Then I watched as their faces got so sad when they heard we are leaving this week. {I will never forget one little boy's face when he heard.....he turned and looked at me with the biggest, saddest puppy-dog eyes I have ever seen. He was sooooo sad...It broke my heart....Don't worry, I have made sure that he has got lots of extra love and attention [and extra treats!] after that! :) Oh, how I will miss him!}

 

 

 

The words from Sara Groves' song "I saw what I saw" keeps running thru my head....

 

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and i can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

 

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love

 

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

something on the road, cut me to the soul

 

your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I am made of
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
and what I know of God

I have neglected this blog.

Not for lack of things to write.....

[possibly for lack of time.....possibly for a lack of proper priorities!]

I have many thoughts swirling about my head.....

So instead of trying to sort all the thoughts out, I decided to just let you see a small window into my world....

 

*this should be the #1 vacation spot in the world!!

*L.O.V.E. these kids!!

The little boy is my "Khmer Todd"---who I met 2yrs ago! :)

The girl is my "Khmer Raquel"---she acts so much like Raquel! :)

* Vera, I was totally reminded of your 'A Broken Sea Shell' story when I saw all these beautiful broken shells mixed with all the perfect shells. :)

I see so many people who remind of broken shells....they are stories that God is just waiting to finish...stories of which I can't wait to read the last chapters!

*Life with the kids is never dull....or quiet! ;-)

 ....That's why I love them so much!

*Yummy fish! :)

*Vietnam....an adventure from the very beginning = good times! :)

*A hand to hold....

Such a simple thing...

Yet evidence of the lack of love in their young lives.

I have found that it is not just the little kids that climbing all over me in an attempt to be loved.

 True, it was the little kids that came running and jumped all over me that first day.

But it's also "the big kids". They desire love as well.

 It just comes in a more subtle form---or for some of them it's subtle.....I will be sitting on the floor when suddenly an arm is linked thru mine, or a little hand is stuck into mine. I look down and here it's the 10 yr old boy who is usually busy looking after his 2 younger siblings.

Or it's not so subtly....I am sitting on the floor, and suddenly I feel arms circle about my neck--here it the 13 yr old "naughty" boy who has very few friends because he is known as the "naughty" boy.

All they want is to be loved!

How I wish I could speak their language and speak Jesus' love into their lives..

But.....Jesus, please touch their hearts and tell them that YOU love them!!! 

*Laughter

I love how God blesses these kiddos with the ablity to still laugh and have fun--even though their lives have been so difficult and full of hard work and pain already.

 But God is still good! He has blessed them with my wonderful team who has been working with them for the last 7 years, an excellent source of stablity in their lives! :)

* "My" little man!!!

xoxo

*Another one of "my" little boys

I love how God has opened my heart and given me an extra love for the "naughty" kids.

.....So much of the reason these kids are "naughty" is just so they can just recieve some form of attention.

Really, they are not trying to be naughty....they are just asking to be loved.....and to be given some quality time. Since I cannot speak the language and communicate with them that way, the least I can do is show them love by spending time with them----and giving an abundance of hugs! :-)

Life is good when I have lots of kids around to show Jesus' love to. :-) :-) :-)

Random musings.....

Meet my little man:

He is so adoreable.

He is "my" little man.

His huge chocolate brown eyes tell so much

....they are sometimes filled with pain & sadness 'caused by

things a child his age should never have to face.

How my heart breaks when I see this reflecting in his eyes.

But....then my heart will melt into a puddle...when this little man comes to the center

and comes running across the room straight to me to be hugged & loved & prayed over.

How I pray that Jesus will enter this little man's heart & fill it with

healing, true love, peace, acceptance and feelings of worth in God's eyes!!

 

This is part of the King's palace.

It is light up in honour of the King's coronation day.

{*Note: the photo of the King's Father--He passed away a few weeks ago.}

 

The amount of honour the people of Cambodia pay to their King & to the predeceased King, challenges me. I cannot help but ask myself: "If they feel it neccessary to show this amount of honour to a human king, how much MORE honour I should show to my King--because my King is not just another king that will come and go. My King is the KING of all Kings!! And I'm afraid that I don't give Him the amount of honour that He deserves." .....May I always show My KING the honour and respect that He deserves!!!

 

 Since visiting the temple ruins in Siem Reap, & reading thru the Old Testament, I cannot help but think of Heaven often. The beauty of the Old Testament temples of God & the beauty of the temples of the pagan gods is breathtaking. And the mansions in Heaven are going to be even MORE breathtaking!!! I can't wait to see MY mansion in Heaven!!

I can't wait to worship Jesus in all of His beauty!

I can't to see what that beauty will be like!!

It's going to be so much more than I ever have imagined. :-)

 

I wonder what it will be like walk down the halls of the mansions in Heaven

What will they be like? Will I even be able to walk down them?

[I probably will be stopping ever step to pause and drink in the beauty. :-) To savour the moment.]

 

What will it be like to walk up to the gate of Heaven?

 

When I walked up to this gate...I felt so small, so insignificant. Like I didn't deserve to be here. Here my feet were covered in dust from the red dirt road. I was not wearing my best clothes.

I did pause to enjoy the beauty of the mist coming off the water in the moat.

I felt like a nobody, an ordinary person who was about to enter a palace where I didn't deserve to go.

 

It's not going to be that way when I walk in thru the gate to Heaven! :)

 

 

Sua s'dei! {'hello!'}

 

These are a few of the kids we love on each week! :-)

 

A few of the kids that come running out of their houses

when they see the ministry van coming down the street.

They love to stand and wave to us

...or call out to us. :-)

 

Then they come running down here:

[This is the place where we do our ministry in the village.]

 

This is the view down the street from us:

 

It's so great to be on these streets again!!!! :-)

I am often amazed at how God had this time picked out as 

the perfect time for me to be here.

What a personal God I serve!!

 

I love how God is filling me with HIS LOVE for these kids!

 

In myself the dirt, the energy [and sometimes the naughtiness!], the lice,

the kids always jumping over me, and the smell of sweat

can get to be a little much!

But then God reminds me that that is exactly how I appear to Him!!

....and HE still loves ME!!!

So...

If an Almighty, Perfect God can love someone like me

---then surely I can love these kids who have no one else to love them!

These kids have no idea how to visualize how God loves them

---so, maybe in some small way I can show them a glimpse of God's love for them

......thru hugs, holding them, playing with them,

and just being their barang [friend]!!

That is my prayer.

Please join me in praying for these dear children!!

 

These are the 2nd Semester students of IGo 2012

 

Back row: Glendon; Jimmy; Brandon; Andrew; Landon; Brent; Darren; Joe; Tim; Brian; Ivan

Second Row: Me; Yvonne; Sheri; Noel; Bree; Paula; Juanita; KaLynn; Allison; Amber; Hollie

Third Row: Katelyn; Abby; Melanie; Judith; Mel; Jo; Wilma; Kayla; Sarah

Front Row: Matt, holding Noah; Heidi holding Ellen; Leon; Galen; Chad; Joanna; Derrick

 

 

 

These are the people that I will be leaving in 7days

[well, all except Juanita....I get to take her with me! hurray!]

 

Can't wait to come in 3 months and see how God has changed everyone! ;-)



1 year

One year.

365 days.

And I don't know how many minutes

.....it feels like F.O.R.E.V.E.R.!!!

 

Bev, God called you home to Heaven LONG before we were ready to let you go.

Even though our hearts were torn that day,

we know God had a plan.

 

We do not understand.

And we still shed many tears.

But that just makes us cling tighter to God's hand,

the hand that right now you are holding on to.

 

Bev, I treasure each memory of you!

The good, the funny,

and even the ones where I thought you were a bossy older sister!

And especially the ones that only you & I fully understood ;)

I treasure those memories [tho not memories I wished to make!] of my time with you at the hospital.

 

Bev, you taught me sooooo much!

You taught me what it means to love God above all else!

You passed on your love for missions & the work of God around the world.

Your servant heart humbled me on more than one occasion

[often during our days at the hospital I had to stop & ask which of us was serving whom!]

 

Bev, I will be forever grateful that you are my sister!

I love you!

And I miss you!!!

xoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 I am grateful for understanding people!
Today I was able to take a day of solitude to process the things of the past year, instead of sitting in classes. It was exactly what I needed!! I'm so grateful!

I had a wonderful time with just God, my journal, my Bible,
my memories & tears, and my butterflies. Yeah it wasn't an easy day. But I could feel the prayers of my friends. And I must say today was a blessing.

 And some of the biggest blessings are in the photo above! I am blessed to have these lovely ladies as my friends!! I don't know what I would have done without you all! LaRonda, Delight, Katelyn, Mel, Juanita and Yvonne, you all are just amazing!!! Thank you for your prayers, your tears, your hugs, your notes and the flowers....and just for being with me! It meant more than you could imagine!
 I love you all!

When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me



So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do

Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are with me
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You are an amazing God!!!

Walk down this street and join me in my life here in Thailand....

This is Thailand! :-) The land of beautiful, hot, muggy days with fairly frequent rain showers. I'm totally enjoying this weather! :-) {I think my body may even be adjusting to it....Saturday I was at an air conditioned coffee shop “doing homework”....*aka. Discussing homework & attempting to get something written down on paper*....drinking a delicious lime frappe, and shivering. ;-) Good times. :-)

*The Hide Away coffee shop

(the 1^st coffee shop I visited upon returning to Thailand. I still haven't got to all my favourite coffee shops yet.....but I still have a few weeks!)

Classes started this week. So my life now consists of: getting up early for class, chapel, homework, another class, another class, a delicious Thai lunch, homework, another class, then 2 hours of homework, another amazing Thai meal, then either a ministry night or recreation night, followed by more homework, and sleeping for a few hours. And of course, whenever there is a spare moment there is usually more homework or Bible memory to work on. :-) I love it!! So glad I am here! :-)

My classes this term are: The Church & Her Foes [it's a great class with some challenging homework assignments], The Gospel of John [an amazing Bible study!], a Missiology class [a class that is totally blowing my mind!! I think every Christian (or at least every Christian pastor!) should have to take this class. The things we discuss are some every key points in the Bible that I have never even heard be taught in church!! Our churches would be so different...], and a Language Accquistion class [it's re-enforcing to me just how important it is to study the Cambodian language!].

I think the thing that impacted me the most this week in classes was the whole thing of using Jesus' ministry as a model for our ministries today. When you really study Jesus' ministry strategies you will be amazed at all you learn! His mission was to reach the WHOLE world. But He did not focus on the multitudes, instead He focused on training the 12 disciples to take His place when He had to leave. That really challenged me! Even though I only have 3 months in Cambodia, I can still make an impact by teaching 1 or 2 people to love the kids like God enables me to love them. So, let me ask you....who are you training???

Saturday night I had the privilege of going to Walking Street. It's when the city closes down some streets and vendors set up their booths to sell their stuff. You can buy anything there. From food to t-shirts to traditional style of clothes to hats to purses to jewelry to EXTRA S.U.P.E.R. AMAZING coffee smoothies!!!

I rode home from Walking Street in a tuk tuk [a motorcyle with a little 'cart/carriage' attached to the back of it]. It was a great cultural experience. :-)

 

This is my desk. Where I will be sitting for numerous hours over the next 3 weeks to do homework.
Gotta run my internet is about to turn off! :(

I arrived! :)

This was my ride to Seoul.

It was a pretty comfy ride.

[The baby beside me did FAIRLY well.]

It was a long ride, but I survived.

None of our flights were delayed! :)

We went thru a beautiful lightning storm on our way to Chiang Mai! :)

[The turbulance was only mild.]

This was the sunset as I left Seoul for Chiang Mai.

[A confirmation from above?! :) Maybe.]

 

My first few days have been filled with jetlag [never knew it could this 'fun'. :-p  Bring on the sleeping pills!]; reconnecting with friends; going to familiar places such as: Big C [mostly just to hear the cool advertisement. ;) You only understand if you have been there!], Tesco, J-House, the pool, Thai massage; coffee dates [one at this adoreable new place---a new solitude place? I think yes!]; picking plumeria; and many more fun things!!!

It's good to be back! :)

 

 

 

 

The list has been made.

Then half the things crossed off.

And a new list was made.

*slowly my list of things to do is getting smaller & smaller :)

Where am I going?

I'm going to follow this path.....

Well, kinda.

Kinda in the fact that I am going to follow a path into the unknown.

But.....

I do know my destination.

I am going here! :-)

 Cambodia!!!

...after a short stay in 'The Land of Smiles'

aka. Thailand! :)

I am going back to IGo to do an internship.

What does this mean?

It mean that I will be going back to Thailand for 3 weeks of school,

then my friend & I will head to Cambodia for 3 months to work with a mission there.

What will I do there?

The focus of the mission we will be with is:

"To reach out to children at risk and their families in Cambodia by a holistic approach. We want to see the value of the poor and needy restored and their lives empowered through the hope that is in Jesus Christ."

What is MY focus?

"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" ~Micah 6:8

The future looks: big. exciting! unknown. but yet peaceful. and maybe a little scary at times.

And the spiritual battle is going to be intense.

I would really appreciate your prayers as God continues to lead me down this path.

I will try to keep this blog updated while I am away

[but I make no promises as I don't know what type of internet access I will have]

but.....I will try. :-)

{Or you can email me and ask to be put on my list for email updates.}

Please pray that the kids [and the big people!] I come in contact with will know Jesus' love & care for them thru me.

Thank you!